Child rearing philosphy - hmmmm

Question: What is your child rearing philosophy?

As you go through life your philosophies change as you age. Had I been asked to put this information down when I was actually raising my children, it probably would have been greatly different than it is now. I will try to put down what I believed then and now.

I was a strict enforcer of time frames for children. I felt, and still do, that children should have a schedule and hold to it as close as possible. There are times to relax that schedule, but when all things are running "normal" then try to adhere to them. I believe breakfast, lunch and dinner should be at about the same time each day. A child can almost tell time by how their stomach feels. It gives them comfort to have that stable time frame in their lives. I believe it also helps them stay healthier than if they go long periods between meals and it definitely cuts down on snacking in between. Along the same lines, I believe the family should be at the table each meal with no TV present. The TV is something that was added after raising kids. We often had it on during dinner. It was disruptive at times.

Bed time is a more stringent time frame that should be adhered to. Children need to have a set time each night to go to bed. It can be flexible for special events or for summer time. I believe, then and now, a child should be put to bed, not sent to bed. A story should be read or told; a discussion of their day could be had; a tickling session, as long as it doesn't disrupt the child from falling asleep shortly thereafter, could be had. Make going to bed a fun and one-on-one time whereever possible. It does two things. One it gives the kids a stability again that you strive for in a child's life. It also gives you a time that is yours. If a child stays up until you go to bed, when is your time of the day. Now all that said, teens are a different breed altogether. That strict time frame is more for young children, up to junior high school level. Once they are in high school, I was much more lenient, though they did have a settle down time of 10 p.m. on school nights even then. Bed time was more up to them.

I was fairly strict in other ways. I said no way too often. Now I would try to structure their lives in a more learning, giving atmosphere. I would let them do things that their stretched their minds in a curious fashion. I would also not let TV or video games be a major part of the family life. I would set certain times and shows that could be watched. I would emphasize reading a lot more.

We were a family that went places together a lot. Children learn by doing. We camped and travelled and went sightseeing. They didn't always want to be there, but I think they learned to appreciate what we did and where we went. We often would take what we called short cuts home from places to broaden their horizons. Sometimes it was not so short; actually it was never shorter. It gave them a different outlook of their environment. I believe it showed them there are many ways to do something--even just going home.

I included church in their bringing up, but I forced it on them. Now none of them feel church is important in their lives. I wish I would have handled that different. I would have included more prayer and done family home evening every week instead of rarely, like we did. I would have encouraged Gil to be more a part of the church activities, though it was hard with his work schedule.

More than anything, I would have shown and said how much I love them. I would put my arms around them more than I did. I love my kids. I love how they turned out. I love their families now. They are all good people and are doing well in this world. I guess Gil and I did okay when you come right down to it.