Child rearing philosphy - hmmmm

Question: What is your child rearing philosophy?

As you go through life your philosophies change as you age. Had I been asked to put this information down when I was actually raising my children, it probably would have been greatly different than it is now. I will try to put down what I believed then and now.

I was a strict enforcer of time frames for children. I felt, and still do, that children should have a schedule and hold to it as close as possible. There are times to relax that schedule, but when all things are running "normal" then try to adhere to them. I believe breakfast, lunch and dinner should be at about the same time each day. A child can almost tell time by how their stomach feels. It gives them comfort to have that stable time frame in their lives. I believe it also helps them stay healthier than if they go long periods between meals and it definitely cuts down on snacking in between. Along the same lines, I believe the family should be at the table each meal with no TV present. The TV is something that was added after raising kids. We often had it on during dinner. It was disruptive at times.

Bed time is a more stringent time frame that should be adhered to. Children need to have a set time each night to go to bed. It can be flexible for special events or for summer time. I believe, then and now, a child should be put to bed, not sent to bed. A story should be read or told; a discussion of their day could be had; a tickling session, as long as it doesn't disrupt the child from falling asleep shortly thereafter, could be had. Make going to bed a fun and one-on-one time whereever possible. It does two things. One it gives the kids a stability again that you strive for in a child's life. It also gives you a time that is yours. If a child stays up until you go to bed, when is your time of the day. Now all that said, teens are a different breed altogether. That strict time frame is more for young children, up to junior high school level. Once they are in high school, I was much more lenient, though they did have a settle down time of 10 p.m. on school nights even then. Bed time was more up to them.

I was fairly strict in other ways. I said no way too often. Now I would try to structure their lives in a more learning, giving atmosphere. I would let them do things that their stretched their minds in a curious fashion. I would also not let TV or video games be a major part of the family life. I would set certain times and shows that could be watched. I would emphasize reading a lot more.

We were a family that went places together a lot. Children learn by doing. We camped and travelled and went sightseeing. They didn't always want to be there, but I think they learned to appreciate what we did and where we went. We often would take what we called short cuts home from places to broaden their horizons. Sometimes it was not so short; actually it was never shorter. It gave them a different outlook of their environment. I believe it showed them there are many ways to do something--even just going home.

I included church in their bringing up, but I forced it on them. Now none of them feel church is important in their lives. I wish I would have handled that different. I would have included more prayer and done family home evening every week instead of rarely, like we did. I would have encouraged Gil to be more a part of the church activities, though it was hard with his work schedule.

More than anything, I would have shown and said how much I love them. I would put my arms around them more than I did. I love my kids. I love how they turned out. I love their families now. They are all good people and are doing well in this world. I guess Gil and I did okay when you come right down to it.

Position in family

Question: Were you the oldest, youngest or middle child?

I was the youngest child for ten years. There were three of us. Parents should never have just three children. My brother and sister were and always will be best of friends. I am just that other person that had to tag along with them, the one bringing up the rear, the one that Mom and Dad told the others to "keep an eye on."

I used to say a prayer daily that my mom would have another child. I used to pray for a sister, but then I got desperate and would pray just for a sibling. I wanted someone I could be best friends with, that I could hang out with.

Guess what prayers are answered. The year I turned ten my mom had a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Kristina. Wow! Did our world change. I loved her from the get-go. She was my answer to a prayer.

My mom was 36 years old. I don't think she liked having a baby when she was that old. All of a sudden her hair was too grey, she was too old, she didn't want people to think of her as a grandma to this child. Mom started dying her hair an auburn color to look younger. Anne, my oldest sister, seemed embarrased that Mom was pregnant "at her age." I am sure that did not help my mom's outlook. Other changes came that year but not because of the baby coming; they were on their way long before then. More later.

My brother, Bob, and Kristina.

With the birth of Kris, I was then a middle child, with youngest child tendencies. That means, at least to me, I still expected to be treated like the youngest, the cutest, the more darling. Well that was gone because there was this beautiful little baby that took the attention of us all.

She was the greatest, though. She was born with black, black hair. It all fell out and the new hair that replaced it was almost a white blond. She has maintained that blond hair even to this day some fifty years later.

The birth, as stated above, moved me into a middle child position. One of responsibility. One that had to help more around the house. One that got to take care of the baby once she was not so breakable. I grew up some during those early years. I learned what it was like to take care of another life. I was given responsibilities that I had never had before. It set me in good stead with the neighbors when I let them know I could baby sit. They knew I had experience. I started babysitting for others when I was eleven. I loved that as it gave me money for me to spend without asking.

When I was twelve, I started making my own clothes. Simple things at first. By the time I was in high school I made almost all my own clothes made using the money I made baby sitting.

Now the down side for Mom having a baby when her previous baby was 10 was that at 18, I moved away. I moved to California to follow a job that was offered to me. That left this baby that I helped take care of alone, with no siblings at home. She instantly became an oldest child with youngest child upbringing. I think that was hard on her. I have always wished I would have stayed around longer to help her through into her teens at least.

It is was it is.

My favorite aunt

Statement: Tell about your favorite aunt.

My favorite aunt? Hmmm. Let me think. This is hard because I love all my aunts for different reasons.

I had several on my dad's side, but I never really had a chance (or made one when I got older) to get to know them. Many I don't even remember meeting.

My mom's side there were five. Each very individual people. Let me tell you a little about each one.

Aunt Barbara was Uncle Jim's wife. She is wonderful. She is soft spoken and very loving. She was a farmer's wife, which was something I always wanted to be. She has had health issues off and on throughout her life, yet she was one of the strongest women I know. I never spent too much time at their house. When we were there it was just for a day. My main rememberances of Barbara were at family get togethers at Grandma's house, where there were loads of people. I just remember never hearing a cross word from her or any gossipy discussions. She always seemed perfect to me. She was beautiful, too.

Aunt Nola was Uncle Park's first wife. She was a little different from my other aunts; a little harder to get to know. They were not active in the church at the time she was in the family. I got to know Nola really well when in my junior year in high school, we were living in Pocatello and my mom decided to move back to Idaho Falls. I had a few months before school was out. I loved Pocatello High and did not want to leave. Uncle Park and Aunt Nola lived on the other side of Pocatello. Their kids went to the other high school there. They had a bedroom downstairs that was not being used and offered to house me for the rest of the school year. The only problem was getting to school. I drove but had no car. Uncle Park worked as a Safeway manager a few blocks from my high school. I would get up really early and go to work with him. I would do my homework in his office until it was time to go to school. Then I would walk to school. After school I would walk back to his store and stay until he got off. It made for a long day, but I had two set times I could work on my homework without interuption. I did really well that year because of it.

Staying at their house, I found that Nola was very funny. She had a real sense of humor. She was great with her kids, who were all about my age. She was a good cook, too. Like Mom, she worked outside the home. I was really thankful for her and Uncle Park allowing me to be part of their family for that semester.

Later Uncle Park married Colleen. She was a wonderful friend to Mom. They spent summers together and for a while lived near each other in St George Utah. She was so fond of Uncle Park and took good care of him. Where I never stayed with them or got to know her real well, I learned to love her from the stories my mom told me about her. She has such a warm and giving heart and I am thankful to know her.

Aunt Margene was my mom's sister. There were quite a few years between them. As adults they became very close. I loved Aunt Margene. She was witty and always ready with a helping thought. She was a great cook and seemed always to be working in her kitchen cooking, baking or canning or something along those lines. They lived in an old, two story home. The outside was covered with lava rock from the desert. I loved that house. To get upstairs in the loft where the kids slept, you had to go up a ladder. I was okay with that, but I hated to go back down. When I stayed there, I refused to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I was afraid I would fall down the ladder.

Her home was an exciting home to be in. Uncle David was a very funny man, who loved to tease all the kids and especially me. The cousin that I was closest to was Brenda, their oldest. I spent many a summer at their farm. It was fun because everyone, guest or not, had work to do. Uncle David would get us all up early to milk the cows. This was before milking machines. I would get maybe an inch of milk in the bucket by the time everyone else had a bucket full. I thought it was fun to try to milk, but I was slow and very inadequate in doing so. The worst part was when the cows pooped in the middle of trying to milk it or when they hit you with their tail.

They had a huge garden that we would help weed or harvest the ripe veggies. They had an old fashioned barn that had a barn loft. We would spend time up there. They always had hay in a round pile outside the barn. I loved jumping from the barn into the hay. Uncle David would holler at us for doing so because he was afraid there would be a pitch fork or something we would land on. Never happened, but I could understand his worries. It didn't stop me from jumping though.

Good memories at their house.

Aunt Margene was confined to a wheelchair as she got older. Don't think for a moment that stopped her from doing anything she wanted to do, though. She got more done in a wheelchair than I do with full use of my body. She was always an inspiration to me. Whenever I thought my life was hard, I thought of her and what she had to do just to get out of bed each day. She did it alone, for the most part. I could never feel sorry for myself with her as an inspiration.

Aunt Margaret I didn't get to know very well until I was a mother. They lived in Utah and then Michigan while Uncle Kent went to college. Then they moved to Arizona where he was a professor at one of the universities there. I only saw them at Grandma's house. Well there was one time Mom and I went to see them in Utah before they moived to Michigan. The only story I can remember about that trip was Aunt Margaret always had a pot of water boiling on the stove. I was helping feed her baby that was sitting in the high chair. I accidentally dropped the spoon I was using. I picked it up and went to the sink to wash it off. Aunt Margaret took it from me and dropped it in the boiling water and got me a new one to use. I always thought my mom was a cleanliness above all else person, but I learned Aunt Margaret went a step above her.

As I grew up and would see Aunt Margaret, she always commented on how beautiful my skin was. I always have had good skin. I never had blemishes. I was just lucky. She always made me feel beautiful. I always thought she was special because she had 9 kids and never complained, not ever. If I had 9 kids, I would have to have a lot of help to raise them. I was doing my best to raise 3.

When Gil and I went to see the spring training for baseball in the Phoenex area, Aunt Margaret and I had the opportunity to attend the temple together. That is a very bonding time. I think about that often when I think about attending the temple.

Aunt Rae was the baby of the family. She was talk and skinny compared to Mom and Aunt Margene. They were relatively short and not skinny. They were not fat, but not skinny. Aunt Rae had seven kids. Five boys and two girls. I used to baby sit for her when we lived in Pocatello. She had her hands full. Those boys were everywhere doing everything all at once.

When Aunt Rae gave birth to her last child, she had a stroke a few days later. She was given a special blessing that she would raise her kids, which she did. I loved listening to her afterwards because she had a hard time coming up with the right words. Mom told me I could not laugh, but it was funny as she would mean to say refrigerator and say spaghetti. We just would all learn to help her with her words. She went on to raise all those kids, was a Bishop's wife, and a Relief Society President even with her handicap, which I don't think she ever saw it as that. She was remarkable to me.

Hearing that about each of my aunts can give you an idea as to why I could never choose one that was my favorite. They all enriched my life. I am thankful for each of them and for the guidance and inspiration they were to me.

From left to right: Mom, Uncle Boyd, Aunt Rae, Uncle Park, Aunt Colleen, Uncle Jim, Aunt Barbara, Aunt Margaret, Aunt Margene in wheelchair and Grandma.